In my 20’s, a trusted friend passed this advice to me, “It’s not enough just to be right, the question is, have you loved well in the process?” I tend to be a very black and white person, so these words were not very welcome at the time because in my mind, right was always right. I have wrestled through these words over the years because I know that this was and is an area that the Lord is challenging me in. I think back to this advice often though, even 10 years later.
If you think about it, this advice is relevant to any relationship in our lives.
Last year, my husband and I had a very difficult conversation, probably the hardest that we have ever had in our almost 14 years of marriage. We both shared deep hurts that we had been carrying towards each other in our marriage. We both had very legitimate pain as well as some perceived pain. We both had the opportunity to spend the next hours defending ourselves and proving our own point, or we had an invitation to validate one another’s pain, ask for forgiveness, and choose to move forward.
I remember being tempted in that moment to defend myself and continue to lay out all the ways I had been offended. But then I felt this whisper inside of me and that said, “Do you want your marriage to get better or do you just want to be right?”
I am so thankful that we both chose again to be on the same team and to move forward in love, forgiveness, acceptance, and trust. Had we spent the time defending ourselves, trying to prove that our own position was “right,” we would have lost a chance to deepen our marriage. I can honestly say that since that conversation, our marriage has been the best it has ever been. I am so thankful for my loving husband and for the Lord’s guidance in the midst of our emotions.
In whatever relationship that might be difficult for you today, I encourage you with my friend’s words and challenge you to apply them. 😊